In the Darkness, She Found Herself: Ami's Story
by The Drifter
Summary: Mizuno Ami gave everything she had in the name of the Moon. She has nothing left. Now all she wants is redemption..or is it revenge? This is a story of Ami's struggle to understand her own strength and the concequences of power. Shoujo-ai subtext. Enjoy.
1. Berlin

Hello Fanfiction community.

For those of you who are reading this story for the first time, welcome and thank you for choosing to check out my little Ami centered fic. I hope you enjoy it :D.

For those of you who have been with my since December 2008, sorry, I got real life distracted and decided to retool a good chunk of the story. There have been some edits to the portions that were previously published (mostly to fix that tiny chapter size problem as pointed out by a kind reviewer with whom I 100% agree but also to leave a potential plotline open for a sequel that is currently being plotted). Here is the entire story now. Thank you for following along for as long as you have.

This story is set in a continuity of Sailor Moon that most closely resembes the manga, but also draws elements from the Live Action.

O yes, for the lawyers...I own nothing and happily attribute all characters to their rightful owners.

* * *

It was cold. She couldn't feel anything. There was nothing to feel. The Princess had to be saved, and to that…

Ami sat up. Another night, another nightmare. She felt as though she had not slept in years. The dull throb behind her eyeballs grew more intense. Once again, she reached for the painkillers that were always near at hand. Being a medical student did have its advantages. The university was more than willing to turn a blind eye to various inconsistencies in the pharmacological inventories, especially when suspicions fall upon their resident genius. Not that Ami thought anyone has been able to see through her rather...creative accounting.

It was dark out, the moon hidden behind heavy gray clouds. The bleary red numbers on the clock told Ami it was 2 am.

_Perfect._

Stories from the E.R. run the gamut from strange to tragic. For the staff of the many hospitals in Berlin, a strange pattern was starting to emerge: bad men were coming to the E.R. with bad wounds. Those who were conscious spoke in hushed tones about a young woman. Blue hair, blue eyes and an uncanny ability to appear from out of nowhere. Whatever misdeed they were engaged in at the time was quickly stopped by a flurry of blows calculated to take them down in a brutal and painful manner. She never spoke a word, not to them, not to their victims. She would receive no thanks, no reward. Gratitude often died in the victim's throat as they looked into the eyes of their rescuer and instinctively knew to be afraid, for they were the eyes of a predator.

And thus did Ami, alone in Germany, alone in the world, lived on after the death of her mother 6 years ago.

* * *

Crack

Ami felt the man's bones crumple under her fist.

_Shattered orbital, dislocated jaw, possible fractures of the zygomatic arch and maxilla, probable concussion, contusions c1 through 5…stop_

Ami forced herself to stop. The man collapsed in a senseless heap to the ground. His companion in crime lay 20 feet away, his gun 30 feet. Ami felt her heart pounding, her blood singing for more. It felt good. She grinned, and pulled her arm back in anticipation of the satisfying crunch of her fist collapsing the man's face. The broken man saw his life flash before his eyes in her feral smile. Suddenly, Ami froze. The mortal fear in the man's eyes brought her back from the haze. The man was no longer a threat. The world faded from red to the dull gray of another dreary winter dawn. She threw the bloodied criminal from her and set her eyes on the final occupant of the lonely alley, another young woman – a teenaged girl - too scared to speak. Without a word, Ami walked away, her footsteps inaudible as the sound of police sirens grew louder. When the police came, they saw that once again, someone had taken the law into her own hands. Some would secretly thank whatever god they chose for this nemesis and wish they had the power to follow in her footsteps. Others worried about the breakdown of law and wondered about the kind of psychosis it took to deliver this form of justice night after night. They worried that the criminals were getting hurt worse and worse, that it was just a matter of time before they started to turn up dead. In either case, the incident report would be filed with the others and teenaged girl warned not to take alleyway shortcuts again - who knew what kind of dangerous people she might run into there?

* * *

Ami removed her mask and stepped out of the shadows of Berlin's gothic architecture. It was a necessary precaution. She doubted anyone would recognize her though. Nobody really knew her here in Germany. Even her friends in Japan would have trouble recognizing her now. Her hair was shorter, and her body was leaner and more muscular than it was when she left. She dressed differently, favoring looser men's pants that hid the shape of the scars on her leg and men's shirts to match. Overall, she looked like a different , I am a different person. She really was. A few carefully forged documents and she was Kusanagi Reiko, orphaned Japanese medical prodigy, who at the age of 16 received a prestigious scholarship to attend one of the best medical schools in the world at the University of Berlin. The more I change, the more I remain the sameAmi's heart hardened at the thought. She was being nostalgic again. That never ended well. The adrenaline of the fight had long since worn off. Ami was tired now, but it felt good. She needed the action, to hurt someone and be hurt in return. She enjoyed the power. It was her time to scream out her rage and frustration to the world. If she got hurt or killed, all the better. She hated herself, what she had done and those who put her in that put on her glasses as she joined the regular morning flow of pedestrian traffic. She didn't need them, but they helped to hide whatever emotions her icy eyes may sometimes betray. Those times had become fewer and fewer as the years wore on. This was how she learned to deal with her pain. She became it. She deserved it, for her weakness and selfishness. Cold. Numb. Truly she had become the Senshi of Ice. Anger, hate, self-loathing, all the raw emotions she felt could once again be forced onto the backburners of her mind. At first, six years ago, right after the final battle with Metaria, she had tried everything to make the pain, the guilt, go away. Her friends didn't help, they couldn't. They didn't understand. How could they? After all, they didn't kill their own mother.

* * *

Ami walked into the well-lit medical research lab. It was as if a sudden cold snap had chilled the room. Other students and researchers quickly looked away from the petite blue haired woman walking through the lab. Muted whispers and hurried hushes followed in her wake.

Wow she looks like she hasn't slept at all

_What could that sociopath be working on now?_

_Look at her; little miss genius doesn't even want to spend a extra minute in the room with us mere mortals_

_So I heard that the Vicodin counts were off again…it has to be her, who else could it be?_

"Entschuldigung Sie bitte…Doktor Kusanagi?"

Ami sharply turned her gaze towards the timid voice beside her.

"Doktor Boaz, Er hat dich schon überall gesucht."

"Warum?"

"Ich weiß nicht. Es tut mir leid, aber… Jetzt muss ich gehen"

The luckless intern scurried away, glad to be done with her errand.

So the director was looking for her? Ami sighed and headed to his office. She had no desire to explain herself, even if she could.

Dr. Boaz was a thin man, quiet and overworked. Still, he knew talent when he saw it. If only it were properly utilized. The young blue haired doctor that stood in front of him seemed like a lost cause, but still, he had to ask.

"Reiko, the University called about your resignation. Why is this the first time I've heard of it?"

Ami didn't answer.

"What is the meaning of this?"

The silence he received was enough to end the conversation.

Ami walked out of the office without another word.

Dr. Boaz sighed. The young woman downright scared him sometimes, and he was not a man who was easily scared. As much as he tried, he couldn't get through to her, for he saw the potential in her. She was nothing if not brilliant, a true medical prodigy but there was something terribly wrong with her. He didn't know anything about her personally, but he had noticed how she never spoke to anyone at length, and how she seemed to project an aura that frankly scared off anyone who might try to reach out to her. Still, applied properly, Reiko had the potential to make a difference. He noticed how utterly alone she seemed to be in the world. Somehow, he suspected that this was the way that she had wanted it.

* * *

Germany had been good to her, she couldn't deny that. She spent most of her days studying and working alone, completing medical school in half the time and being assigned to various cutting edge research projects solely on her academic prowess. No one noticed that she spent her nights wandering the more dangerous parts of the city. She had the freedom here to be alone in her self-imposed exile.

She deserved to be alone.

The life and warmth she felt as a young Senshi seemed so far away. The warmth that was Usagi and Makoto and all of her other friends. She had ended that. She hurt them, and somewhere in her despair, she had enjoyed it. At first, she didn't know what came over here, but over time, it started to make sense.

She killed her mother.

To save the princess.

For the princess.

It was always the princess.

Now, there was something calling her back to Japan. She couldn't explain it. Her dreams at night had become clearer as of late. Scenes of Tokyo overrun, the Sailor Senshi fighting, falling. She felt drawn to these scenes of destruction. As much of a nightmare it was to see this night after night, it felt right. She had to go. There was something waiting her there, something for her to take, something for her to do, something for her to prevent. She didn't know what. All she knew is that it was time. The normally logical, rational Mizuno Ami was following an impulse.

Why not?

So it was decided, after six years, Ami was going back to Japan.


	2. At a Crossroads

_Six Years previous_

The hospital room was barely lit by the glow of Ami's laptop monitor. It seemed devoid of warmth and human life. Metaria's last desperate attack inflicted some horrific injuries on Ami as a final act of revenge. Between her physical injuries and the psychological trauma of her mother's death, Ami's studying was quickly moving from her normal overload to obsession. In the weeks that she was recovering in the hospital, she threw herself into medical studies, perhaps looking to replace some of what she lost in her mother. In either case, she was shutting herself off from her friends.

They tried to discuss the battle, to comfort her, but Ami was just too angry.

"_Why are you here? What more do you want? This is the last thing I have to say to you people. I've had enough. No more. No more sacrifices. How much are you all willing to give? You Minako, you act as a decoy for the Princess you will never be, Rei, all your power and talents and nowhere to go with it. Your destiny is to be a glorified handmaiden. Mako…will you ever be able to stop fighting? You want your precious dream of a utopia, fine, you do it without me. I can't give any more, I've got nothing left. You could die and the world can go to hell for all I care. You have no right to talk to me about love and duty. I've done my duty, killed my mother. For you. For your 'destiny'. I'll not be destiny's puppet anymore. Leave me alone. "_

"…_.but Ami, you can't leave me."_

_Ami's eyes grew hard and cold._

"_Goodbye Makoto"_

All the scouts had come away from Ami's hospital room shaken. No one had expected the darkness of the storm that was raging in Ami. No one had expected her words to hit as close to home as they did. No one had known what to do. What Ami had said echoed with each of the scouts, alone at night, in the corner of their minds. They were soldiers. Their duty meant that they could at any point, be called upon to sacrifice everything, life or innocence be damned.

Usagi was shaken most of all. As the sacrifice her friends were willing to make for her came into sharp focus, she felt unworthy. She too a long while to regain the confidence she needed to be Sailor Moon and a long time for the remaining Senshi to come to terms and reaffirm their love for their duty.

They tried time and time again to go back to see Ami, but each time, they were stopped by the hospital staff, who not unkindly told her that Ami had requested no visitors. One day, Ami was gone. Transferred to another hospital for physical rehabilitation her floor nurses were told. No one seemed to know where. The hospital records had been tampered with.

* * *

_Present day_

Ami stepped out of the airport in to the cool crisp air of a Tokyo winter day.

It was difficult returning to Japan. The false identity papers helped a good deal. She had spared no effort in cutting all ties to her previous life here. She had done a good job, if not a bit crude, four years ago in eliminating her trail. She had kept under the radar even in Germany, leveraging her antisocial personality against anyone who would try to get to know her. She would have been impossible to find. Not that there was anyone who would try to look for her. The world is a big place to lose one's self in.

But now she was back.

In a sense, Ami was home.

Ami stood at a crossroads. The path to the left through the park led to the Hikawa Jinja. The right, an open road that led nowhere, for Ami had nowhere to go.

The Senshi…

She turned left.

There was so much to do.

And that was when a bolt of dark energy shot out of nowhere and blasted Ami into the night.

* * *

A lone figure stood on the steps of the jinja; a slender miko sweeping the steps in preparation for tomorrow. The setting sun made a scene of blood red and hard shadows.

Rei looked up as she felt something darkly wrong. There was something behind her. Something cold…blue hair...blue eyes…

"…Ami?"

Ami stepped into the light…

"You're alive!"

…and ran her through with a dark sword.

As she fell to the steps, the last thing she heard were Phobos' and Deimos' wings and her Grandfather's footsteps as he ran to see what the disturbance was.

The last things she saw before she passed out were a pair of dark blue boots and a blood dark sword.

* * *

The energy bolt had caught her from behind. Ami landed heavily against the wall of a nearby building. She felt light headed, slow, dull…

Weak That's what I am...weak…

"_Attack Ami, show your strength. Show your true power"_

_Yes_

Someone was laughing at her, at her weakness, her inability to defend even herself.

No...no more

Ami called forth the power that was inside. Raw power crashed and cascaded over her. It felt different, stronger, wilder. It felt good.

Was it always like this?

A blood-black sword formed form the wispy vapours swirling around her hand. The ice sword had manifested during her last battle as Sailor Mercury. This was the sword that she drove into her mother's heart to kill Metaria.

She felt the sword's lust for blood. It had taken life before. It would do it again. Now.

She lunged forward, running the ice-sharp blade straight through the enemy. A dark vortex appeared at the tip of Mercury's sword. Dark winds rushed around her, beating at her head and body. The vortex grew. The ground, the sky all became dark. Ami could see the destruction that raged silently around her. It was her nightmares come to life. At the center of it all, Ami screamed.

And then there was nothing.

Ami awoke lying face down in the alley as the sun began to rise over the treetops and skyscrapers of Tokyo.

What happened?

* * *

White. Fuzzy. Bright. Hurts.

"Unngh"

Rei awoke in an unfamiliar bed.

"She's awake!"

Frantic shuffling ensued. More than one person came running in through the door.

Rei felt a pair of arms wrap around her as Minako's face came into focus.

"O Rei, Thank goodness. We were so worried."

"unn…get off …love you too, Mina-chan...what happened? Is Grandpa ok?"

Mina stayed close, offering comfort as Usagi told the story.

"Grandpa is fine. We just sent him home to get some rest. He's been here non-stop since you got out of surgery. Mamo-chan's on the way to the temple to get him, so he'll be here soon. I'm so happy you are awake now. You've been out for 2 days. Your Grandfather heard a commotion and ran over to find you lying in a pool of blood on the steps. Phobos and Deimos drove the attacker off I think. They were flapping around freaking out. Did you see who did this to you Rei-chan?"

"Ami…."

Four startled eyes looked up at that faint whisper.

"Ami...she was the one...She stabbed me."

The familiar tone of a communicator pinged throughout he room. Makoto's face drained of colour as looked at her communicator's screen

There, flashing urgently, was the blue call sign of Mercury.

* * *

It had been a long six years since Ami was gone. There had been no major threats on Tokyo after the resurgence of Queen Metaria. Ami had ended that threat and paid for it dearly.

In the peace that followed, the Senshi all moved on and made lives for themselves. Rei continued intensively her spiritual training and became in her grandpa's opinion, one of the finest mikos to ever grace the steps of a jinja. Minako's bubbly nature and linguistic talents made her an excellent candidate for teacher's college. Mako pursued her dream of culinary greatness and epic romance and found that she was more successful in the former than the latter. Her new restaurant was starting to develop a reputation for delicious, creative meals while Mako herself developed the skills needed to manage an increasingly complex enterprise. These skills and experiences would serve the people well the day that Crystal Tokyo arrived, but until then, there were still just 4 young women living normal lives and enjoying them to the fullest.

They were just missing one of their number to feel complete.

And now, all of a sudden, she was back.

"Guys…its Ami….she's calling on the communicator."

Any other day, this announcement would have been greeted with excitement, the return of a long lost friend and perhaps, the first steps towards healing.

Today however was different.

Rei lay in a hospital bed, lucky to be alive, and Ami was the apparent cause.

Everyone froze, unsure of what to do next.

"Is that really Ami?"

"It can't be…."

"Should we answer?"

"What about Rei?"

"Ami would never have done that! What if she's in trouble? What if the Dark Kingdom's got her? We have to just make sure she's ok, we can't...we owe her that much at least."

The debate continued until the beeping stopped.

Ami was gone again.

* * *

No answer.

Not surprised.

Ami sank to the ground in defeat. Something was very wrong here, and she couldn't even warn the Senshi about it.

Ami felt as though a fire was pulsing through her brain. She fumbled for her painkillers

A new threat to the precious Princess?

_Is this why I felt compelled to come back here?_ _Am I unable to escape my destiny as a soldier?_

"_You know the answer to that"_

Ami snapped out of her thoughts. She shook her head, trying to clear it. Usually, there was very little that could escape her when she applied herself, but no pattern emerged from the events of the week. Just a confusing jumble of dream and reality. She couldn't concentrate, nothing made sense.

She popped opened her bottle.

Am I going crazy?

"_No Ami, embrace it."_

That voice, again. In her head. Again.

No, it can't be, it's nothing

Ami turned her attention to something more immediate.

She swallowed 3 pills.

Only 5 left.

Last bottle.

The migraine got worse.


	3. A Friend and a Stranger

Fortunately, and inexplicably to the doctors, Rei was a fast healer.

Two weeks after the attack, Rei was being sent home with doctor's orders to get plenty of rest and to avoid physical exertion. A peaceful temple seemed like a perfect place to recuperate, especially for the young dark haired miko.

What the doctors couldn't have known was that the Hikawa Jinja was no ordinary temple and Rei was no ordinary miko.

The Jinja was the unofficial headquarters of the Sailor Senshi, and Rei was the fiery Senshi Sailor Mars. When darkness threatened the unsuspecting citizens of Tokyo, the Senshi would be there to protect them.

Even if they have to disobey doctor's orders.

The days following Rei's attack had been hectic days. A new type of youma suddenly began to attack, seemingly at random. They seemed to be nightmares of man and machine, of deadly weapons fused with living sinew and flesh that bled liquid metal. The attacks were increasing strength and frequency. Senshis Venus, Jupiter and their Princess were hard pressed to hold the line, even with the help of the Outers. The attacks were constant. The Senshi found themselves scrambling to react to each attack, without the time to formulate a plan or to discuss the matter that hung heavily on everyone's minds.

Ami.

Even with the stress and weight of the world on their shoulders, the girls found Rei's homecoming a welcome cause for celebration.

The party was in full swing. Minako, Hotaru and Chibi Usa could be assumed to be playing some sort of game with rules they made up as they went. A greatly amused Setsuna looked over them, quietly thinking whatever it is that a woman like Setsuna would think. Rei was by the fire, enjoying an unusually quiet moment with Usagi and some back issues of her manga series. Mako was in the kitchen and Mamoru was in the corner, looking somewhat scared of the amount of estrogen present when Haruka's gold Nissan Sport Concept swerved around the corner and drifted to a stop at the bottom of the temple steps.

"Mamoru-sama, get down here quick, we need your help."

Mamoru ran down the temple steps to the car, the rest of the Senshi not far behind.

Haruka and Michiru were struggling to get someone out of the back seat. Mamoru arrived and quickly accessed the situation.

"Med-kit, it's in my car. Keys in the front hall."

Makoto was the closest, she ran towards the parking lot. As Mako ran to get the med-kit, Rei reached into her robes and pulled out an ofuda.

Haruka and Mamoru were carrying a semi conscious Ami up the steps to the temple.

* * *

It was as if the laws of physics had ceased to exist.

The colour spectrum was wrong. The world was gray and red with sharp flashes of gold and aquamarine.

Gravity? Gone. She didn't know which way was up, much less where she was or where she was going. Was she flying?

Thermodynamics? It was impossible to feel so cold and yet still be so hot, but somehow, there she was.

Somewhere in the madness, she heard a voice. A familiar voice, from her past. Familiar words, yet different. Comforting, yet she was deeply afraid.

"…retsu, zai, zen - Akuryō Taisan!"

A bright light. Searing. White. Painful.

She screamed.

And then finally, darkness.

* * *

"Rei!"

Rei stumbled as the physical exertion of the ritual winded her. Minako was at her side in an instant and caught her before she hit the ground.

"Evil…spirits begone…"

Rei panted for breath. Whatever was there was strong, but it was gone for now.

"Rei! Are you ok? What happened? What did you do?"

"… darkness…evil…Ami…"

"Whatever you did Rei, I think it worked. Look, Ami's stopped struggling now. She was half awake and mumbling incoherently a minute ago. Lets get her somewhere so that we can do a proper diagnosis."

Mamoru's statement was a question in itself. Do we trust Ami?

"The spare bedroom, 3rd door to the left in the front hall."

It was decided, no way was Rei going to let Ami down.

Still, I'm scared. What if that's not Ami?

It was a risk she was willing to take.

All the Senshi agreed.

* * *

It was some time before Mamoru came out of the spare room.

Usagi rubbed his slightly furrowed brows. The rest of the Senshi crowded around him.

"Well how is she Mamoru-san?"

"She is just sleeping now. She's got a lot of cuts and bruises, possibly some head injuries, I don't know for sure yet. She's also running a pretty high fever. I gave her a sedative so that she could at least sleep through the night. I couldn't tell you guys more until she wakes up."

Mamoru sighed. Usagi looked at him in concern.

"There's something I want to discuss with you privately. Come with me."

Usagi followed him into the room. The rest of the respectfully Senshi stayed in the hall.

"Look at this."

Mamoru gestured to Ami's arms. They were criss-crossed with scars, some of them fresh and angry looking.

"Look at her hands. The knuckles have been broken before, a few times too. The skin also feels like its been split a few times. Haruka said she and Michiru found Ami in the middle of a massive street fight. From the looks of it, it wasn't the first time."

"There are a few other scars on her body too, they look like stab wounds that she's been stitching up herself…There's also this."

Mamoru reached into Ami's backpack and pulled out several empty pill bottles

"Haruka grabbed the bag in the middle of the fracas." Mamoru explained: "Vicodin, prescription painkillers. These bottles aren't prescribed though; these are literally out the back of a hospital drug vault. I had to give Ami almost twice the recommended dose of sedatives for someone her size just to get her to sleep. I don't think that fever is natural. It's a classic symptom of withdrawal. Depending on how long she has been off the Vicodin, the next few days could be rough, although it's always hard to predict with us. I suspect that is why she was so out of it earlier. Normally, it's impossible that Rei could be up and about so soon after a wound like hers. Our physical healing rates are through the roof. Mentally however, we are all too human, which is what the trouble addictions come down to."

"How do we know the bag is Ami's?"

"That's the last thing I wanted to show you. Look at this."

Mamoru pulled out a notebook. Ami's handwriting was obvious in it's clean, methodical strokes. What the surprise was were pages upon pages of drawings. Detailed diagrams of hideous youma, nightmares on paper.

"These aren't drawings. They are diagrams. These are the youma we have been fighting all week and a lot more we haven't seen yet. Ami has some explaining to do. Until then, we need to take some more precautions about this."

Mamoru reached out and took Usagi into his arms. Her blue eyes shimmered with unshed tears as she looked at the girl on the bed.

"Oh Ami, what's happened to you?"

* * *

Haruka was retelling the circumstances of how they found Ami when Mamoru and Usagi came out of the spare room.

"…running late, as usual, Michiru couldn't; decide which shirt to wear"

"Actually, you couldn't find your shoes"

"O …heh…right…so anyways, we took the back road behind the Jinja, there's never any traffic there. Michiru spotted some trouble under the bridge. It looked like it a mob ganging up on someone."

Michiru cut in at this point.

" Haruka jumped out of the car and scared most of them off. That's when we saw that it was Ami at the center of the mess. There was something obviously wrong-"

Haruka gave a short bark of laughter.

"Yeah, sure, she was completely out of her mind. Mumbling incoherently and taking swipes at anything that moved. We tried to talk to her, but she didn't seem to be able to understand. It took forever to get her into the car. We pretty much had to keep her at bay until fell over exhausted before we could even get near her. The girl is stronger than she looks. I don't think she even recognized us. You know the rest of the story, we drove her straight here, and here we are."

Makoto had a question:

"Ami's sick, why didn't you take her directly to the hospital?"

"We thought about it, almost did, but until we confirm that Ami wasn't the one who stabbed Rei, it's too risky to put her in a civilian environment. Trust me, you didn't see what she was doing. If we didn't arrive when we did, I suspect that more than one of those punks would be in the hospital now. Some of them are probably there now with broken bones. As much as I would hate to say it, the Ami we found under the bridge might not be the same Ami we remember. With Mamoru being a doctor, bringing her here was the best solution."

Mako jumped up:

"But Ami needs help! She needs treatment-"

"No, Mako. It's ok. They did the right thing."

Usagi's voice turned everyone's attention to the doorway where she stood.

"Thank you, you did the right thing. It's ok, I understand how you feel, but there are too many questions right now. I think it's best if Ami stayed in Senshi hands. Mamo-chan said she's just sleeping, she should be awake by tomorrow Mako if you want to talk to her."

Usagi's face looked conflicted about what she was about to say.

"But please, be careful…we don't know what Ami's thinking or why she's here…or if that is even Ami at all. There is evidence that she is connected to all the new attacks lately."

"What?!"

Several voices sounded out in shock.

"Ami, no…it can't be… what are you talking about?"

Mako's voice came the loudest of all.

Usagi looked at Mamoru and nodded for him to tell the collected Senshi everything that he had just told her.

Stunned silence followed the long series of revelations.

"What you are saying is that Ami is behind all the attacks lately? What do we do now?"

"Princess, if you need me to..."

"No, Haruka…I can't ask that of you…what if..?"

Usagi's voice trailed off in horror of what was a very real possibility.

Minako stood up.

"I think I can speak for all of us" The other nodded their assent "That we are soldiers. This is our duty. We all came to terms with this a long time ago. We are ready to do what is necessary. Without malice, without remorse. I just hope to god that it we won't have to." Minako smiled "Besides, who said anything about killing anyone or dying? We are Sailor Senshi. We will find another way. Don't give up hope just yet. We should at least talk to Ami when she wakes up. Maybe then we can figure out what is really going on."

In the end, they wound up bringing Ami to the Outer's house. Rei was technically still in recovery from her attack. Minako was staying with her overnight to make sure that the day's excitement didn't cause a relapse. Makoto had tried to insist that she could look after Ami on her own, but in the end, she was overruled.

The Outers felt that it was best if they took Ami home. There were more of them that could look after her and if something went wrong, there was greater strength in numbers.


	4. The Calm before the Storm

It was the sun shining in her face that finally convinced Ami that she needed to open her eyes.

She was lying in a bed, in a room.

Where am I?

Haruka was sitting by the bed.

"What happened?"

"You know, we could ask you the same thing"

"I have no idea, why am I tied to the fucking bed?"

"Whoa, temper Ami…we've got a lot of questions for you."

"How long was I out? What day is it?"

"Just 2 days from when we found you. It's Weds Jan 20"

"Bullshit. Can't be."

"Sure, read it and weep."

Haruka tossed a newspaper onto Ami's bed.

"'More monster attacks reported across town'…I take it that explains this?"

Ami tugged at the straps holding her to the bed.

"You always caught on quick Ami. There's just too many coincidences surrounding you right now. I think you know what I mean."

"So you think I'm a monster too. Welcome to the club."

Haruka's eyes softened at this comment. Despite the brash, impersonal tone of the conversation, she found it difficult to see her younger friend in pain.

"Look at me Ami. You killed your mother. We know. Metaria possessed her and was about to kill Sailor Moon. You did what you had to. We were ready to kill Hotaru once. What a mistake that would have been. I can't even think about it now or else the guilt would be overwhelming. But you stopped us Ami. Way back during that whole Mistress Nine mess. I'm grateful for that. I'm sorry that things didn't play out another way for you. That must be hell."

"Look, I don't want your sympathy. I just came back to Japan. I get out of the airport and the next thing I know, I'm fighting youma. Called you guys, but no answer. I don't really have a fucking clue what happened next until I woke up tied to your bed. So tell me what the hell kind of coincidences were you talking about earlier?"

Haruka accepted the deft change in topic.

"Youma have been attacking steadily for the past 2 weeks. The passport of "Kusanagi Reiko" is stamped for 2 weeks ago. Coincidence?"

Ami didn't answer.

"It gets better. Rei was stabbed outside the temple two weeks ago. She said the assailant had blue hair and a dark sword. There can't be too many people that fit that description in the world. That's why you're tied up right now."

Haruka sighed.

"Mako's been waiting for you to wake up. She camped out here overnight. I suspect you'll be wanting to talk to her too."

Ami looked away.

"I'll send her right in."

* * *

Ami was sleeping when Makoto entered the room.

"Stop it Ami. I know you're faking."

"Goddamit Mako, why are you here? Leave me alone."

Mako forced herself to keep going. Even as she felt her heart breaking a new, there was still a faint flutter of hope and belief in her friend.

"Sorry Ami, I'm afraid I can't do that again. You disappeared last time."

Ami looked up, startled by the certainty in Mako's voice.

"I want to know….what happened to you Ami? You left, and now you come back. Why did you leave? It's like I don't know you anymore. The pills, the fighting, the scars…what's going on?"

"I get headaches. I take painkillers. It's normal. It's not a problem. Mamoru isn't the only doctor in the world."

"Ami…you have a problem…please…"

"I KILLED MY OWN MOTHER! Of course I have a problem! What the fuck did you expect? That I would sleep it off? That I would be ok in the morning? That some big silvery light would shine down on all of us and make everything better? Doesn't work that way."

"Please…Ami…we can help. We still love you, we all do.

Something stirred in Ami. For the first time in years, she defense mechanisms slipped.

"Ami, I love you…please talk to me. Why did you leave?"

Makoto deserved an explanation. She didn't deserve Mako.

"I wanted to run away, far away. I couldn't stay here. It was the only thing I could focus on. Everything else hurt too much. I killed her Mako, and don't tell me it was an accident, that it will be ok. It's not. I couldn't think of any other way to stop Metaria.

It was more that that. I kept having thoughts of taking revenge. The Dark Kingdom was already gone. The only thing left was…."

"Usagi.."

Ami looked away.

"I hated her. How she always needed to be protected, how it was her destiny to live for the future while everyone else was just collateral…No more, I wanted to change that… I kept hearing a voice in my head telling me to kill her, to take my revenge and destiny into my own hands. I wanted to. I had nothing left, I could have done it, I might have…I already have blood on my hands…"

"but you didn't"

"No…I didn't, I left. I couldn't stay in Tokyo anymore, or else I might have."

"Your mom, it wasn't your fault Ami. Please believe me."

"Thank you Mako. I wish I could. You should go, You don't need to be here anymore. I have a lot to think about."

Ami felt exhausted. It had been so long since she allowed herself to be so open.

"I'm so sorry"

That night, when she slept, it was finally a sleep without nightmares.

* * *

The following weeks were peaceful, in so far as there were no new youma attacks. In reality, the peace was so tense that all the Senshi found themselves jumping at shadows and just as weary as though there had been actual youma attacks.

Ami remained the Outer's house for lack of anywhere else to go. True to Mamoru's prediction, Ami's physical symptoms of withdrawal faded quickly, but not her psychological need for the painkillers. Some days were better than others. Ami tried to hide away form the group behind her research into the latest threat to Tokyo. Still, the Senshi were persistent. The Senshi rallied to help their friend together. The inners were constant visitors to the Outer's house, although Usagi was not permitted to be with Ami alone.

The Outer Senshi regarded Ami as more a guest than a prisoner. It was too difficult to have to tie their old friend up every night. With the cessation of the attacks, the possible danger of Ami seemed more remote, at least in comparison to the immediate needs of a girl who was obviously suffering.

They each reached out to Ami in their own way. Slowly, Ami responded.

To her surprise, Ami found that some human contact wasn't so bad. Swimming with Michiru was something she had always enjoyed, and it surprised he that not once in 6 years did she think of going to the pool. Sparring with Haruka was also a surprise, at least for Haruka, who found that the petite blue haired girl, was pound-for-pound, a very formidable fighter.

Setsuna was nowhere to be found, spending most of her days at the Time Gates on heightened alert for any strange occurrences in the time stream. When she was home however, she found that the young Mizuno was quite an engaging conversation, once she started to come out of her shell.

In the end, it was Hotaru who gave the genius something to think about.

* * *

**Flashback**

…

_Uncharacteristically, Ami's room was a mess. Notes and charts were scattered haphazardly on every surface. The diagrams of youma found in her notebook were there too. Ami admired them in their efficiency and effectiveness, even in their terrible destructive nature._

_When Hotaru approached with a summons to dinner, Ami was staring at a series of images of a brain taped up on the window._

"_That's you isn't it?"_

_Hotaru stood at the doorway, bathed in the eerie glow of Ami's minicomputer._

'_You are looking for the enemy inside yourself. I suppose that is one way of doing it. You know, Ami, you're a person, not a specimen. I could see your brain and still not know what you are thinking. It's impossible to come to an understanding of yourself just like this. You shouldn't make it a habit to study the impossible. It will drive you mad."_

"_I lost 2 weeks worth of memories. 2 very important weeks. There ought to be some physical clue a to what I was up to during that time. I need to know. Besides, but without study, how would we know it's impossible?"_

"_I'm just saying, perhaps the answers lie within you, but not where you are looking. We run around fighting monsters while wearing miniskirts. You won't be able to detect that with a CAT scan."_

_Ami glowered over Hotaru's words, and grudgingly saw the logic of it._

"_You are right. We shouldn't be possible. But still, I need to do this. What else could I do here?"_

"_You need things to make sense…trying to impose order on the universe by forcing it to work by your universal laws…that's just arrogant. You're trying to play god, even over yourself. Some things you just have to accept as they are. Things happen, the universe is It's something I have come to terms with. I can destroy the world. One day, I might have to. It's hard but it's my duty. If that day comes, I will be ready. "_

"_You're awfully young to be this mature Hotaru."_

"_Age has nothing to do with it Ami, just acceptance. Sometimes, things are out of your control. All you can do is react, and hope that you made the right decision. For the record Ami, I think you did the right thing. Now come on, dinner is ready. Haruka-papa's grilling steaks tonight."_

_And with a giggle, she was gone, a little girl running down the stairs to see if she could intercept her papa on the way to the table and stake out a prime cut for herself…_

**End Flashback**

* * *

Hotaru did have a point. If the answers couldn't be found in the scientific, physical world, then Ami was out of her league.

This was Rei's territory.

Ami returned to the Jinja to seek help.

Ami and Rei spent the bulk of their days together in front of the great fire, trying to understand the recent attacks. The visions from the fire were inconclusive at best but Ami and Rei were persistent. In their meditations, the image of a great darkness was prevalent and seemed to focus in on Ami's aura. Still, in these meditations, Ami found the closest thing she has had approaching peace for a long while. It was the calm before the storm.

Overall, life at the Jinja felt like it was moving back to the way it used to be, with 5 girls-who-were-soldiers using the temple as their personal base to read manga or save the world.

Except that no one could completely shake the feeling that the latest threat to arise was something deeply connected with the blue haired girl who sat among them.


	5. Staring into the Abyss

It was one of these typical days at the Jinja when Usagi walked in with a brown paper package under her arm.

"I got this in my mailbox this morning. It's post-dated. Says it's from you. What's going on?"

Ami's blood grow cold.

"I don't remember sending you anything Usagi..."

"Well, only one way to find out…"

Usagi carefully peeled back the brown paper and opened the box.

"What's this? A snow globe?"

Usagi reached into the box. Ami felt like something terrible was about to happen.

"Usagi…wa-"

But it was too late. Usagi touched the orb and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Usagi!!"

A blue orb fell to the ground with a loud, final thud.

* * *

The Senshi stared in shock at the spot previously occupied by their princess.

Ami did the only thing she could think of. She grabbed her computer and reached for the orb.

The space sword swung down between her hand and the orb.

"Hold it, you aren't touching that. Not until you tell us what's going on."

Recognition came to Ami like a genetic memory.

"It's a teleportation device. Biometric. It's primed to activate only for Usagi."

Haruka's sword edged up

"So you know what it is."

Ami was forced to look into Haruka's eyes, the sword's tip resting lightly under her chin.

"Back off, we don't have time for this. I know what it is, I recognize the technology. I have no idea why. Give me the orb. I am going to scan it to see if there are any traces of where it came from."

Haruka looked at Michiru. A moment of unspoken communication passed between them, and Haruka stood down.

"So what exactly is going on Ami?"

Minako's question was sincere and not an accusation. Somehow, her friends still trusted her.

"The blue orb thing. It's a teleport device. It was in my notebook. I designed it, even though I don't remember why, why or how. It has taken Usagi somewhere. I sent it to her. I planned all this and it's all going according to plan. We have to stop it. Seeing the orb, it brings up memories of things I don't remember doing. Not nearly enough to be useful goddammit. I have no idea where the orb teleported her to, or why. But I have a ghost of a memory of building it. All I know is that Usagi's in danger now…and it's all my fault…"

Ami seemed to be on the verge of a collapse.

"Ami, snap out of it. We need you here, now. Did your scan turn up anything?"

The minicomputer beeped. Ami analyzed the findings.

"There's an unusual amount of mercury and asbestos on the orb. Plus a whole bunch of biological compounds that don't usually above ground. Underwater? No, doesn't make sense…deep, I'd say a cave…except that these elements here are completely unnatural. You wouldn't see these concentrations of asbestos in nature…"

Ami's eyes widened. Suddenly she swung her hand against Haruka's space sword.

Drops of blood dripped from her new cut onto the floor.

"Ami!"

"Blood, there was something weird the other day that I couldn't figure out..A-HA!"

Ami's eyes brightened up with the excitement of discovery even during this tense time.

"It's the same isotope of mercury that is in my bloodstream. 203Hg. I noticed almost toxic mercury in my blood the first time I scanned myself after you guys found me. It can only exist in laboratory conditions. We are looking for an underground laboratory…?"

Ami laughed out loud, a dry humourless laugh

"Got it. It's nearby…how very appropriate…"

"Ami, just spill it, what are you talking about"

"The ruins of Mugen Academy. I was there, and I bet that's where Usagi is now"

"So wait...let me get this straight. You're responsible for all of this?"

Minako transformed in a ripple of light.

"According to all the evidence yes. I lost two weeks of my memory, and now there's a whole series of events with my fingerprints all over it. I am coming with you to Mugen. If I am really the one behind this, you'll need me to get to Usagi. I wouldn't have left the place unguarded. I don't expect you to, hell, I don't even trust me right now, but I need you to believe me right now, for Usagi."

Venus nodded.

"'I believe you Ami. We are going to Mugen. Everybody? Henshin Yo!"

"Rei, wait. I need you to promise me something."

Rei stopped and turned around. Ami pulled her aside.

"Yes?"

"Kill me if you need to, don't hesitate and don't regret it afterwards. Promise me that."

"What?" Ami, that's ridiculous."

"Rei, you have to understand. I am the enemy here. Somehow, I did all this. I don't know if I can stop it. I am not in control here. You don't have a choice. You need to protect the Princess. You said that I tried to kill you. There must be a reason why. It's because whatever is happening, whatever I am doing I saw you as a threat. You have the power to end it, one way or another."

"Ami… no…I can't…there's got to be another way...Usagi would not want this either."

"I am so sorry. Please…promise me."

Rei nodded slowly, but Ami was gone, Mercury was running after the others in the direction of Mugen Academy.

Running into whatever dangers she would have devised for them all.

* * *

It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/ It's/all/my/fault/

Ami's footsteps seemed to pound in time with the accusations in her head.

Her mind raced through the events of the past month, trying to see the pattern, to isolate the common variables.

Rei, the nightmares, the youma, the orb…means, motive, opportunity. Me. It's brilliant.

I am the only person that could have done this.

Because I wanted this to happen

"No…"

"So you finally understand little Ami. Here I am. This is what we have become."

Metaria!

Now it all made sense.

_The voice in my head, that was you_

"_No little Ami, that was you. I am you. You welcomed me into your soul. We are one."_

_You're dead. I killed you myself. How is this possible?_

"_Magic Ami, magic! You, me…..it's what makes it all possible. There is no rhyme or rhythm, or order. No science or mathematics. The world doesn't make sense. You have been blind to the ultimate truth. Chaos. The only set course is what you do. Your actions defines you Ami. You killed your mother, but you could never kill me. You knew that. I am you. I am an idea. I am everyone. I cannot die. We are just the logical extension of what we have become. This is what we want Ami. Let us take form and become Chaos. We can reshape the universe in our image. Accept it Ami, and the pain will be over."_

Ami felt the truth in the offer. She wanted to rest. To stop struggling and let things happen as they will. It wasn't fair, she isn't strong enough. Why did she have to do this? Over and over. She was tired. She had done enough. Her mother was dead because she wasn't strong enough or smart enough to find another way. It shouldn't have been her responsibility to…..no….it wasn't fair. To protect the princess, she has had to give up everything and now she couldn't even rest in peace.

The Princess.

Even as Ami cycled these thoughts in her head, she sensed there was something wrong.

The Princess. Her friends.

How could she hate Usagi? She loved Usagi. And her friends…something bad was about to happen if she didn't put a stop to it now.

With great effort, Ami pushed through the haze in her head.

_And if I refuse?_

"_I'm afraid that wasn't an offer. Time to die."_

Ami's mind broke under a blast of dark energy. As her consciousness faded to the back of her mind, she saw only one objective.

The Ginzuishō.


	6. Endgame

The collective Senshi ran with all haste to the ruins of the old lab. When they got to Mugen, there was no resistance. Just Usagi, lying eyes closed on an old lab table.

"Usagi! Wake up! Are you ok?"

"mmm…mrrr…wha?"

Usagi sat up and blinked in confusion

"Where am I? Why are you are all transformed…?"

Usagi transformed into Sailor Moon

"The last thing I remember is touching the orb. Is everyone ok?"

"No…"

Mercury was standing stock-still doorway. She had her head down, her hair falling over her eyes.

"Mercury..?"

Mercury's fuku darkened, and a sword seemed to grow in her hands.

"Mercury…stop…don't make me do this…"

Mars stepped up as the rest of the senshi quickly tightened ranks around Sailor Moon

"Die"

Mercury suddenly sprang into action. The ofuda Mars was pulling out was cut in half and soon, she was fighting for her life.

"Mars!"

Mercury's sword swung dangerously close to Mars's neck. A golden chain flashed out and wrapped Mercury's sword arm.

"Hold it! Mercury, what are you doing?"

A blast of cold knocked Venus off her feet and Mercury shook off the unanchored chain.

"I will have my vengeance!"

Mercury leapt into the air, and the lab was suddenly covered in a dense fog.

"Time to die, Sailor Moon"

Sailor Moon swung around at the voice behind her.

Clang!

The blow intended for Sailor Moon's head rang off of Tuxedo Kamen's cane.

"Over here!"

"Behind!"

Shouts rang out in the heavy fog. The battle began in earnest.

Dark Mercury found herself hard pressed dueling Saturn and Pluto at once. With the combatants weaving in and out in such close quarters, the other senshi were basically reduced to spectators for fear of hitting their own teammates with their attacks.

Still, Saturn and Pluto, the two staff fighters of the Senshi were formidable opponents and both had greater reach with their staffs than she did with her sword. Mercury snarled, she had hoped to engage Jupiter and Uranus first and eliminate them quickly. The emotional ones were easily manipulated. Things were not going according to her calculations.

Of course, Mercury would never go into battle without a failsafe.

Saturn swung her Glaive downwards. Dark Mercury narrowly dodged the attack, the sharp tip of the Glaive hissing past, coming dangerously close to cutting Pluto's ribbon off her chest. Dark Mercury swung her sword at Pluto's legs. Pluto swung the Time Staff and blocked the slash.

Saturn was faster than expected. The handle of the Silence Glaive swung around and hit Dark Mercury, sending her flying into the mist.

_Time for plan B_

Dark Mercury disappeared into the fog.

"Dammit! Where is she?"

"Sparkling Wide Pressure!"

Jupiter's lighting orb failed to connect with anything solid.

"Save your energy Jupiter-dear, you'll need it."

Mercury's voice echoed around the ruined lab, mocking, goading.

"That could have been a kill shot Saturn! What's wrong? Should have ended it when you had a chance. Just remember, when I bring the Chaos into your world, that you could have stopped if you only had the guts."

A jet of water blasted out of the fog and took Saturn by surprise.

"Saturn! No!"

"Kuso! We need to get rid of this damn fog!"

Uranus looked to Neptune and nodded.

"Submarine…Reflection!"

Neptune's power coursed through the room and took the fog with it.

The spectral outlines of an army of inhuman figures became visible as the fog cleared.

"Space Sword Blaster!"

Uranus's power cut through the legions of assembled youma and reduced many to just puddles of liquid metal.

The battle began in earnest. Each element's power flashed out and took its toll on the youma army, but it was a losing battle.

"There's too many of them!"

"Where is she?

"Surround Sailor Moon"

Jupiter looked around. Where was Mercury?

Then she spotted her.

Dark Mercury was standing on a ledge above the fray. She was concentrating on a silvery orb, liquid metal swirling under it's own power.

"Jupiter Oak Evolution!"

The electric leaves cut through Dark Mercury's concentration. The orb lost shape and collapsed. The Youma army melted away with it.

"YOU!"

Jupiter found legs frozen to the ground, unable to move.

Dark Mercury jumped off the ledge and landed by the helpless Senshi.

"Mako-chan! Love, did you miss me?"

Ami's voice coming from the lips of Dark Mercury made Jupiter feel sick. This was a perversion of the kind, gentle Ami-chan she knew and loved. This Ami was causing pain for the sheer pleasure of it.

"Mako…have you been waiting? For me? How pathetic. Time to move on. At least it would be if I weren't about to kill you for what you just did there. Love hurts doesn't it?"

The sword went up. Jupiter winced, expecting the down stroke to slice through her body.

Dark Mercury grinned, sadistically intent on the death of the helpless Senshi.

In that distraction, Mars saw an opportunity.

"AKURYO TAISAN!"

The ofuda flew straight and connected between Mercury's shoulder blades.

With a hideous scream, Dark Mercury collapsed back into Mizuno Ami.

* * *

Ami awoke on a vast plain of cold gray fog.

Ami wasn't sure if it was a hallucination but now was not the time to question. All around she could sense images, flashes of her memory no doubt. She could see her sword driving through her mother's body, her father walking out the door for the last time, children taunting and throwing things at the genius freak, but there were also images of love and hope, friendship and warmth. They were faint and hazy, but they were there and they were becoming clearer as the dark fog dissipated.

Ami could make out images of Minako, trying to drag her away form her book and into a volleyball game to make sure she had fun. She saw herself with Rei, the two of them sitting in front of the fire, discussing their beliefs on the human condition. There was Mako, telling her that she was loved and that she made the world a better place. Haruka and Michiru, full of love for each other and concern for their young friend reaching out to help her despite their own daily struggles with life. Hotaru and Setsuna, the two senshi who's personal burden of power and responsibility would cripple a weaker mind sharing their experience and wisdom with her. Finally, the brightest image. Usagi.

The memories of Usagi seemed to shine with their own light. Their first meeting where she did not hesitate in talking to the genius that everyone else avoid, at the North Pole, where her shining light drew them all back from oblivion. There was Usagi carrying a baby Hotaru from the ruins of Mugen, and there was Usagi bringing light into her life with a smile and a hug.

This was something worth fighting for.

She was loved.

Her friends were there for her, now it was her turn.

She called upon the magic in her soul. A sword of ice formed in her hand. Cold, sharp and deadly, it was the sword of Sailor Mercury, but she did not transform. She didn't need to.

This was Ami's battle. She did not need to do this as Sailor Mercury. She WAS Sailor Mercury. Long ago, she accepted that she was Sailor mercury. Now she accepted that Sailor Mercury was Mizuno Ami. Ami was strong. She was a soldier. A solider for love and justice, an avatar of ice and wisdom. A Guardian reborn.

She was Mizuno Ami, and she was Dark Mercury as well. Just another aspect of her, equal yet opposite. Hers to defeat, hers to control. It was her.

_She is me, but I am not her_

Ami looked into the darkness and found herself.

* * *

It was cold here. She couldn't feel anything, there was nothing to feel.

Although she was afraid, it was time. Her princess needed her. She called out to the other presence in this dimension.

_Metaria! I call you by name! Begone! I banish you from my mind! _

A figure so much like her came into focus. Dark Mercury.

"_WHAT?! YOU! Impossible. I overpowered you."_

Has she always been this arrogant?

_Don't make me repeat myself. The best laid plans go awry when you underestimate the opponent. You should know better. You're as much a part of me now as I am of you. I see the plan now. You need me, you want a host. A stronger host than Beryl could ever be. You set it all up… possessing my mother so I would kill her. You used yourself as bait, and I fell for it. Queen's gambit. My favourite move. I know exactly what you are doing, and I will defeat you._

Yes, she really is that arrogant.

_"You and I, we are not too different. Alone, misunderstood. There is power here you know. Tremendous power. I suppose I could have taken any one of the Senshi, but I like want you…yes… I've come to like you. You alone understand the true nature of power…and you wanted more. More knowledge, more strength, more power. It burns at you from the inside. Always has. I feel your heart, your struggles to hold yourself back, to try to be ordinary. Why should you? When I found you, I knew you were the one. You were pathetic. Weak, insecure, doubtful, ordinary, but that is not who you are. You are a soldier, you are a destroyer. The fire…it was always in you. Embrace it and be strong, for it is the strongest who deserve to live."_

_No. You are wrong. True strength is more than just power. There are greater things in the universe than brute force. True strength is the strength needed to stand up for what you believe in, to protect those who need protection and to be the person you want to be. What you offer will never satisfy me and will just consume us both in the end. You will never understand that Metaria. In the name of Love, stand down. You will not win this battle. It is Love that drives me and gives me strength. I will show you. I will fight you. I will defeat you. Here, now. Save yourself now while you still have a chance._

In the battlefield that was her mind, Ami raised her sword. A gesture of defiance.

"_Ami……Ami Ami Ami…you still don't get it do you genius. We are one. If I die, you die. There is not "me", there is no" you". Its us. It's already too late, the pieces are set. You invited me in. This is what you want. Power, darkness...to be the destroyer of all things. You know the feeling, to be as a god, power over life, power over death. That is you wanted to be a doctor, isn't it. Power. Strength. Power enough to do what you want to do. You don't want to be weak anymore. Feel it, the true power that lies within you. That is why you are here now, why you came back to Japan. You came when I called because you wanted this. Claim your destiny. I give you the strength. We can change it all. We can bring your mother back. We can do anything."_

That was it, the final assault, Metaria's trump card, temptation.

_No. In the name of Mercury, I will destroy you._

Ami sprang into action.

The clear sword whistled through the air, Dark Mercury parried the blow with her own dark blade.

Ami dodged a devastating ice barrage from Dark Mercury and swung her blade upwards. It left an open, raking wound across Dark Mercury's shoulder.

Outside, in a dark, ruined laboratory on another plane of existence, Sailor Moon gasped. A dark bloodstain was slowly growing on Ami's shoulder.

"Ami!"

Tuxedo Kamen ran over and began to apply pressure on the wounds that were appearing. The rest of the Senshi hovered about, feeling helpless.

It was Sailor Mars who sensed what was happening.

"Ami's fighting in there, I can feel it. Come on Ami, come back to us!"

Mars's exclamation brought hope. Ami was there, and she was fighting.

The battle inside Ami's mind was vicious. Dark Mercury gave as good as she got. The fighters were obviously evenly matched. This was not a contest of strength or cunning. It was a contest of wills.

Ami could hear her friends calling her, encouraging her. They were so close.

That was enough.

Ami gathered her will and the strength given to her by her friends and channeled it into one blow. Her opponent's dark sword shattered under the force of the blow and her blade pushed unhindered through her opponent's chest.

_It ends, now._

* * *

Ami's body arched up and collapsed back into a puddle of blood. A flower of blood was quickly growing in the centre of her chest.

Ami's eyes fluttered open. A weak voice bubbled past the blood in her throat.

"….it ends now... Usa….Ginzuishō"

Sailor Moon hesitated.

"Ami?"

Ami's faintly whispered plea held many unanswered questions. She was afraid. What if it was a trick? What if she killed her Ami-chan?

"I'm here…it'll be ok...I promise"

It was so like Ami to anticipate what she was thinking. She could do this for Ami.

She opened her brooch.

"Moon…Cosmic…Power!"

The silver white light washed over the pair.

The Senshi looked away, unable to see in the bright light.

When they looked back, Ami was lying motionless on the floor.

With a faint smile of victory on her lips, Ami looked like she could have been asleep.

Except that she wasn't breathing.

* * *

Ami became aware that she was leaning against what might have been the largest tree she had ever seen.

It was foggy here, there wasn't much to see. She could faintly hear the sound of running water somewhere near and far. She couldn't; tell. Concepts such as time and space didn't quite seem applicable here.

Overall, it was peaceful.

Ami felt that this was somewhere she could rest. She was getting somewhat sleepy in fact.

A boat glided into view. The river must have been closer than she realized.

One figure stepped forward form the boat, the other cloaked figured remained waiting.

It was too peaceful here for Ami to feel alarmed. Ami laughed out loud as she figured out where she was.

How stereotypical. Perhaps there's something to be said for all those old myths of Hades and Elysium.

"Actually Ami, you are just seeing this because this is what you expect to see."

Ami jumped up at the voice.

"…Mom? Oh god…I am so sorry….I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.."

All the pain of the past 6 years welled up and flooded over. Mother held daughter until Ami was all cried out.

"…shh..it's ok ..it's ok…I'm so proud of you honey. You saved the world. My little girl, all grown up and saving the world. I am so proud of you."

"I'm so sorry Mom, I never wanted things to work out this way…"

"shhh……it's ok. You did what you had to, you know that. I understand. These things make more sense from this side of mortality, I think you understand that better right now."

Ami gave a faint chuckle

"I knew you would say that Mom"

"I know, but I believe in you. I know you can keep on going, and live your life to the fullest, and that you are going to make the world a better place by just living in it. Can you do that for me Ami?"

"What? But I'm dead. I can't stay here with you?"

A third voice drifted out of the mist.

"It's not your time yet Mizuno Ami"

The cloaked figure from the boat stepped forward. A surprisingly graceful and feminine step assisted by a long handled Glaive. Ami prepared to resist. The figure pulled off her hood.

"Hotaru? No, Sailor Saturn."

"Just another aspect of the Hotaru you know. Stand down Ami-chan. You have died, but it is not time for your final rest. Just as Setsuna-mama is responsible for the gates of time. I am responsible for the gates of the afterlife. It tends to look after itself though. No one ever tries to break in this way. Everyone gets their turn when it's their time..."

"That's impossible, what about free will...and accidents…and…"

Saturn's lips twitched in an irrepressible smile.

"Death, reborn, revolution. It's foolish to try to understand how it works. Perhaps I should leave you to study the impossible and come back later?"

It wasn't often that someone called Ami foolish. She laughed in appreciation of a joke made lifetime ago, and then she remembered.

"...but it's just so hard…I'm so tired. After everything I've done, I don't deserve a second chance."

"Ami….my dear Ami, remember this…it is not your mistakes and challenges that define you, but how to face them. Be strong. I know you are."

Ami stopped to absorb the serenity of her mother's words

"I understand Mom. Thank you. I love you mom."

"I love you too Ami. Try and be happy, I'll be watching. Always remember that"

"I'm ready now. Light the way, Firefly."

* * *

For what seemed like the umpteenth time in recent history, Ami awoke in an unfamiliar place.

Upon further consideration, the antiseptic smell, the faint beeping of an electrocardiogram. It was all very familiar.

She was in a hospital.

Ami kept her eyes closed, taking a final moment to enjoy her death before coming back to life. She heard more noises around her, the rustle of skirt, a softly whispered conversation, and perhaps a faint snore? Usagi perhaps?

Then Ami smiled faintly. No, it was Makoto. Usagi was the one having a whispered argument with Rei. She felt the love and comfort in her life all around her.

She had faced her darkness, and won. She was ready to begin the long, hard process of moving on, but she was ready and she was not alone.

And with that encouragement, she opened her eyes.


End file.
